At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
