do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm too high and old for this...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize