I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
