If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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