I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize