so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"