I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i drank out of a bidet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.