You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
