She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
