remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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