you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
