so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
