Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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