the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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