Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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