I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
