I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
