im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
