Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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