Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
