It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
