So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
