I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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