cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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