I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
