Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
