There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
