im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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