i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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