i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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