There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
