My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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