I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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