i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
