one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
