his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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