Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
