Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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