Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
