seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
