you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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