smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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