I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
