Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
