I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
