True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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