wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
