i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
