help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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