i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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