He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
