so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
