every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
MIDGETS
????
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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