roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
