well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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