Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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