do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
