Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nicole vs. Life
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
