can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
