it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
