I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
