and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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