I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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