I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
