i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
