If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
