Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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