Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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