even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
