I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
