Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
